much better

Gracie is doing SO MUCH BETTER!! Thanks for praying for her! I did use some bribery to get her to eat yesterday--she was so afraid of putting anything in her mouth and just wouldn't open it! I told her we will go and pick out a toy if she just tried something. I walked into the kitchen with her on the floor with the turkey, cheese, and bread spread out so she could put together a sandwich...yeah, ON THE FLOOR! Anyways, she tried and finished it--she was so hungry! We then went out and purchased a fabulous new carseat for her babies and gorilla she has named Gracie. She then wanted to show her daddy that she could eat, so we met him for lunch and she ate, and ate, and ate.

By last night's basketball game, which was awesome by the way, she was showing everyone her new sparkly, princess smile--precious. Even people who really wouldn't care--they were included in the open mouth view right in their faces.

All this to say--Gracie is back, she's confident, happy, feeling good, and ready to take on the world!

Gayle

Quite a week!!

First of all, thank you for praying for Gracie--she needs those prayers. This little girl has had so many surgeries, procedures, and tests and has really taken everything in stride. Until now. These teeth are making her so sad--she almost seems depressed. She keeps looking in the mirror and crying. She won't open her mouth or smile--she even told me that she just wants to be a little kid. I think she is starting to realize that she is different from other kids, asking why she has all of the scars and now silver or missing teeth--it breaks my heart.

We did get stranded in Iowa City--if you are from around here, you probably know how treacherous the roads were from Monday through Wednesday. My dear aunt Mari went to be with Jesus on Saturday and the funeral was on Thursday in South Dakota--everything inside of me wanted to be there...and I made it! Curtis stayed home with Gracie on Thursday and I made a super quick trip west.

Mari's life was too short in our eyes, but we know she is now with Jesus with no more cancer, no more suffering. It's just so hard to say "good-bye for now" to those we love. And my sweet cousins...how my heart aches for them. She did leave them with so much--she raised them with character, gave them countless memories, and a foundation that completely has prepared them for this world...and more importantly, the next.

Today, Gracie and I are finally hanging at home--we are having a Veggie-Tales marathon and hopefully baking cookies. I hope that will give her the gumption to eat something.

I do struggle with her being sad, with her having pain. This is just something that I have not witnessed in my other children as 4 year-olds. She just has to go through so much some days--it doesn't seem fair at all. She is so stinkin' sweet...my heart has been breaking for her this week. I know this had to be done for future heart procedures and surgeries--it's her only option. It just all seems so extreme--I realize they did EVERYTHING to protect her heart by crowning all her teeth--she has very little left to even present an infection or cavity...and she will get used to it--she will see herself as beautiful again--I know this. God created her perfectly...I tell her this at least 100 times each day...she also hears it from her daddy and brothers and sisters constantly. She will know too...soon.

This post is all over the place--I apologize--but this momma's emotions are all over the place too! Welcome to my world!

Have a terrific day--I'll post a picture when I can get a smile out of this little sweetie. You will see--Gracie is even more beautiful with shiny teeth!!

Gayle

her pearly whites

Gracie is having quite the extensive dental surgery today. They are crowning and root canaling (probably not a word) all of her teeth right now. Her teeth carry a high risk of infection and needed to be taken care of before her heart can be operated on again. Since the Mayo Clinic does not have pediatric dentistry, we are at the University of Iowa Hospitals in Iowa City.

Gracie is quite the patient--she has everything figured out, tells the nurses exactly where she wants her blood pressure taken and which little finger should hold the pulse oxymeter. She did tell them they could do anything today, but give her pokes and if they do give her a poke, they are only allowed one! No tears, no crying, just complete sweetness--she is amazing!

Since they haven't worked with Gracie before, I did get to hear how involved her heart disease is. The anesthesiologist pulled up a chair and explained all of the risks--any time Gracie has anesthesia, it carries a significant risk. Today's surgery is expected to be quite long--the longer on anesthesia, the higher risk it carries. So...pray for Gracie, that her body can tolerate the meds, that she will have adequate oxygen throughout the procedure, and that her airways will not be blocked in any way. They will ventilate through the nose since they are working in her mouth--this will be new for her.

I am using a public computer, so I should let someone else on. I will update as I hear anything!

Thanks for praying for Gracie!!

Love,
Gayle

Two birthdays, Christmas, and a very happy New Year!!

We woke up in the hospital on Gracie's 4th birthday to be told that we would be there for awhile. The tears flowed! I knew she didn't need to be there, but they were awaiting the results of her blood work. Gracie's amazing, kind, compassionate cardiologist stopped by for a visit--I asked him if we could go home. He answered with the three letter word I wanted to hear--"yes". After visiting with the doctor on the pediatric floor and throwing out his name a bit, we were released in time to make it home when the kids arrived from school. All of the Opps were thrilled...especially a newly turned 4 year-old!! The hospital so kindly celebrated Gracie's birthday with her in style--cupcakes, gifts, balloons--super, super sweet. The celebration when this little sweetheart was home however--A VERY BIG DEAL!! Gracie wanted to drive the little cars at the hospital so very badly, but was on strict isolation and couldn't leave her room. I called Curtis to get her a car for her birthday, thinking a little cozy coupe, he picked out a battery operated convertible--truly appropriate for a princess of this magnitude!!

Soon it was Christmas...

Gracie continues to battle whatever bug she has. She is still getting headaches and has quite a cough. Just not herself. The way this child lives her life is inspiring, that's for sure. At 4 years old, she can teach most of us a lot about life. She has been dealt a tough hand according to this world--lots and lots of pokes, she can't play outside, she can't play with other children this time of year, she tires easily and can't do normal things other children can do. Yet, she always has a smile on her face, she has a determination to live life well, enjoying everything. Her world is very, very small--yet she makes it so big!! I just wish everyone could know this little being--she's truly amazing!!

Our Christmas was fabulous--this past week of spending long, restful days with the ones I love most is time treasured. Many days, we haven't even gotten out of our pjs. I think Selah has worn her jammy pants from gramma every day since Christmas. They have been washed in between, but right back on her they go! A couple of days, she had them on over her other clothes!

2010 has been a terrific year for our family. Today I have been making a digital family photo book and have been taken down memory lane. Our Make-A-Wish trip, the cancelled surgery, a huge summer road trip, a graduation, a scary car accident, a hospital stay, , sending a child to college, some fun sporting events...yet what we treasure most are these quiet days at home with all seven of us curled around the fire watching movies, playing games, laughing about the latest antics of a particular 4 year-old--life is good! What is 2011 going to bring? How thankful I am that I don't even know!! Life is full of surprises, of twists and turns. It's not always how I would write my own story, I could never be this creative...but what an adventure God has given us. I rejoice in the fact that His story is the best one ever written and how thankful I am that I get to play a small part in it!

Resolutions? None. This family will just continue to seek out the Lord's plan for our lives and live accordingly!

Happy New Year, friends!!

Gayle

The last day of being 3!

Gracie is out of her MRI and did very well with anesthesia. We have not heard the results yet--Curtis was just talking about the fabulous LIFE performance at church when one of the groups sang a song to Philipians 4:6-7--Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I can't really say we are anxious--we quite obviously don't want Gracie to have any brain issues--her little body is already enduring so much. I don't believe that means we are anxious. We are actually having a nice time snuggling with our daughter today. Right now Curtis and Gracie are making pla-doh cookies, watching Cat in the Hat, and eating ice cream--doesn't sound so bad, does it? She is feeling much, much better--her fever is gone, she still has that rotten ole headache, and is walking, talking, and acting pretty normal. No matter what is going on in her brain, it doesn't seem to be affecting her motor skills or cognative abilities. Now anyways.

We should hear some results soon. They also tested her for RSV and influenza, and a variety of bacterial stuff. She, of course, has everyone wrapped around her finger! The doctors and nurses LOVE her...she's quite famous around this neck of the woods.

We did just get some visitors--our friend, Betty, from church is a couple of floors above us and is reported to be doing much better. Her husband, Dave, and Bill and Aimee, stopped in for a chat. It was so good to see some friends!

We will not be coming home today, but there is hope for tomorrow. We will await the results of the tests and if things look good, we could be on our way to celebrate Gracie's 4th birthday at home! Curtis and I realized she has either been in the hospital or just a day home for every birthday--what's up with that??

I will let you know when I hear anything and if there are any plans to follow! Thank you so much for praying for our family. We are blessed!

Love,
Gayle

back in the hospital

I only have a couple of minutes, but want to share that Gracie has been admitted to the hospital in Rochester. She had an appointment with her rheumatologist yesterday afternoon--while there she spiked a fever and had a horrific headache. He sent us to the emergency room. After several hours of tests and various doctors, it was decided to keep her for observation and testing. The headaches are quiet concerning. In September, she had a headache that sent us to the ER as well. At that time, she was demonstrating some stroke-like symptoms. Her cardiologist referred us on to neurology, who decided to look into further if it happened again. Well, yesterday was the day! How God knew we needed to be at this facility!!

She really gave me a great scare yesterday--she was completely out of it for hours, many hours. Then she started vomiting blood. Why, oh why, does she need so many struggles?

She is having an MRI right now. Why doesn't it get any easier to watch your child be put to sleep? I hate that part of any surgery...big or small. I know she's in good hands, but to relinquish that control and leave the room is always tough. Don't they know I could help??

Concerns are this...stroke, meningitis, an infection, or an abcess. She has had headaches off and on for over a week--I probably should have brought her in earlier, but when nothing was done last time, I guess I just blew it off a bit.

Tomorrow is Gracie's 4th birthday--we are so hoping we can all be home! A terrific birthday present would be for this head "stuff" to just be nothing!

I better run...I'll try to update later!

Thanks for your prayers for sweet Gracie!

Gayle

a change of heart

I've been learning lots about my heart...and how unlike Christ it actually is. The lessons I continue to learn through this gift God has given me called adoption completely blow my mind! A month ago I had a commitment to share my story with a group of adoptive parents, some already have their children home with them and some are in the midst of the process. Anyways, I was super excited about this...until the day arrived. As I spent four hours in the car driving to the location, God began to prepare my heart. I talked outloud with Him because I was alone (imagine that)...at times smiling, at times getting a little loud, but most of the drive I was talking through tears to the One who always listens, who always stays true to His promise--the One I adore, the One I seek, the One in whom I placed my trust and my life. I thought, in my own wisdom that I would talk about Ephesians 1...God adopting us into His family and the parallels that earthly adoption would align with. Don't get me wrong, there are some nice parallels--God chose me, we chose Selah. I was broken and in need of saving. Selah was broken and in need of saving. God loves me so much that He forgives my sinfulness and and sees the beauty, rather than the ugliness that so often is my mirrored image.

That's where the difference lies--right there! I thought I loved well. I loved my other children well--those that were born to me, sweet Gracie who came to me without sin...as a tiny infant, helpless and not tainted by the world. But Selah...I love Selah...when she conforms to my desires, when her behaviors are appropriate and kind, when I am feeling patient and kindhearted, when I get enough sleep. Seriously? My love has been so conditional--it's completely humiliating to admit, but until I was able to admit this to myself and to God, I was stuck. I can make a list of all the reasons that I was entitled to these feelings, but in reality I have absolutely no business even making an excuse for my attitude.

God amazes me! Completely amazes me! It's times like this that convince me more and more that He is so present with me--only He can change my heart. Others can speak to me, can give advice, can help, but only God can change a heart. Many, many times it's through the voices of His people that we are changed, but the credit is always His. It's in those quiet, seemingly dark times that so often we are overcome with His light. That day, in my car...a change began. He has given me a new love for my daughter. Am I still frustrated? To be perfectly honest, I haven't been since that day. Have the behaviors changed? Maybe a bit--that's not the point--they will. It's my perspective that has. I am called to love as He loves and that is without condition. Love can not depend on circumstance or it is not love at all.

Selah is a delight, she is created by God in His image. She, like me, needs a Savior because we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). It's so much fun listening to hear recite all of her Bible verses--she knows quite a few and they are so meaningful to her. I asked her what her favorite verse was for our Christmas card and she replied "Joshua 1:5--I will never leave you nor forsake you." She has lived 8 years of life left and forsaken--she is no longer. My eyes are all wet just thinking of the magnitude of that answer. All she wants, all she desires is to know that she is not going to be left or forsaken. Whether she understands the love of God or not, she needs to know that love from her parents first and we pray she sees Christ through us fullfilling that promise to her.

The rest of the Opps are doing well. Derek recovered well from his accident--thank you so much for praying for him and for all the kind words. Gracie is doing OK--her blood counts are going in the wrong direction and she needs to have some pretty major oral surgery in the next few weeks. Connor is busy with basketball and Breuklyn is swimming. We celebrated Selah's birthday on Sunday--what a fun day we had! And tomorrow is the big event--Selah and Gracie are both having their first birthday parties ever with friends!! We will be constructing gingerbread houses with 20 kids--should make for some fun photo opps! I will try to update this more often--actually I don't even know if anyone is still checking in. No matter, I love having a journal for my kids!

Have a terrific night!

Love,

Gayle