back in the hospital

I only have a couple of minutes, but want to share that Gracie has been admitted to the hospital in Rochester. She had an appointment with her rheumatologist yesterday afternoon--while there she spiked a fever and had a horrific headache. He sent us to the emergency room. After several hours of tests and various doctors, it was decided to keep her for observation and testing. The headaches are quiet concerning. In September, she had a headache that sent us to the ER as well. At that time, she was demonstrating some stroke-like symptoms. Her cardiologist referred us on to neurology, who decided to look into further if it happened again. Well, yesterday was the day! How God knew we needed to be at this facility!!

She really gave me a great scare yesterday--she was completely out of it for hours, many hours. Then she started vomiting blood. Why, oh why, does she need so many struggles?

She is having an MRI right now. Why doesn't it get any easier to watch your child be put to sleep? I hate that part of any surgery...big or small. I know she's in good hands, but to relinquish that control and leave the room is always tough. Don't they know I could help??

Concerns are this...stroke, meningitis, an infection, or an abcess. She has had headaches off and on for over a week--I probably should have brought her in earlier, but when nothing was done last time, I guess I just blew it off a bit.

Tomorrow is Gracie's 4th birthday--we are so hoping we can all be home! A terrific birthday present would be for this head "stuff" to just be nothing!

I better run...I'll try to update later!

Thanks for your prayers for sweet Gracie!

Gayle

a change of heart

I've been learning lots about my heart...and how unlike Christ it actually is. The lessons I continue to learn through this gift God has given me called adoption completely blow my mind! A month ago I had a commitment to share my story with a group of adoptive parents, some already have their children home with them and some are in the midst of the process. Anyways, I was super excited about this...until the day arrived. As I spent four hours in the car driving to the location, God began to prepare my heart. I talked outloud with Him because I was alone (imagine that)...at times smiling, at times getting a little loud, but most of the drive I was talking through tears to the One who always listens, who always stays true to His promise--the One I adore, the One I seek, the One in whom I placed my trust and my life. I thought, in my own wisdom that I would talk about Ephesians 1...God adopting us into His family and the parallels that earthly adoption would align with. Don't get me wrong, there are some nice parallels--God chose me, we chose Selah. I was broken and in need of saving. Selah was broken and in need of saving. God loves me so much that He forgives my sinfulness and and sees the beauty, rather than the ugliness that so often is my mirrored image.

That's where the difference lies--right there! I thought I loved well. I loved my other children well--those that were born to me, sweet Gracie who came to me without sin...as a tiny infant, helpless and not tainted by the world. But Selah...I love Selah...when she conforms to my desires, when her behaviors are appropriate and kind, when I am feeling patient and kindhearted, when I get enough sleep. Seriously? My love has been so conditional--it's completely humiliating to admit, but until I was able to admit this to myself and to God, I was stuck. I can make a list of all the reasons that I was entitled to these feelings, but in reality I have absolutely no business even making an excuse for my attitude.

God amazes me! Completely amazes me! It's times like this that convince me more and more that He is so present with me--only He can change my heart. Others can speak to me, can give advice, can help, but only God can change a heart. Many, many times it's through the voices of His people that we are changed, but the credit is always His. It's in those quiet, seemingly dark times that so often we are overcome with His light. That day, in my car...a change began. He has given me a new love for my daughter. Am I still frustrated? To be perfectly honest, I haven't been since that day. Have the behaviors changed? Maybe a bit--that's not the point--they will. It's my perspective that has. I am called to love as He loves and that is without condition. Love can not depend on circumstance or it is not love at all.

Selah is a delight, she is created by God in His image. She, like me, needs a Savior because we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). It's so much fun listening to hear recite all of her Bible verses--she knows quite a few and they are so meaningful to her. I asked her what her favorite verse was for our Christmas card and she replied "Joshua 1:5--I will never leave you nor forsake you." She has lived 8 years of life left and forsaken--she is no longer. My eyes are all wet just thinking of the magnitude of that answer. All she wants, all she desires is to know that she is not going to be left or forsaken. Whether she understands the love of God or not, she needs to know that love from her parents first and we pray she sees Christ through us fullfilling that promise to her.

The rest of the Opps are doing well. Derek recovered well from his accident--thank you so much for praying for him and for all the kind words. Gracie is doing OK--her blood counts are going in the wrong direction and she needs to have some pretty major oral surgery in the next few weeks. Connor is busy with basketball and Breuklyn is swimming. We celebrated Selah's birthday on Sunday--what a fun day we had! And tomorrow is the big event--Selah and Gracie are both having their first birthday parties ever with friends!! We will be constructing gingerbread houses with 20 kids--should make for some fun photo opps! I will try to update this more often--actually I don't even know if anyone is still checking in. No matter, I love having a journal for my kids!

Have a terrific night!

Love,

Gayle

the dreaded phone call

Late Friday night...actually, really early Saturday morning, around 1:30 am, we received the phone call that parents dread coming from their teenagers. "Dad, I had an accident and there's blood all over". Phone died. Frantically, we rushed out the door, cell phones in hand, I called 911, Curtis tried to reach Derek again and again--finally he did and sort of had a location. We knew he was within 15 minutes of home, but didn't know where. We started driving, Derek called again and said he would try to walk to the road. At this point, we thought he went into the ditch somewhere. Finally, we connected with him and found him on the side of the road. He had fallen asleep and drove into a large ravine. My heart sunk. We could barely see the car from the road, it was that far away and Derek was a bloody mess, his face nearly unrecognizable because of the blood. We brought him to the emergency room.

It was obvious he had a broken nose. Other than that, we awaited some tests. They came back with multiple fractures to the face. Our hospital is so small, they decided to send him to the Mayo Clinic by ambulance. Another journey to the hospital--this time not for Gracie either. We spent several hours there in the trauma room W-3, they looked at him from head to toe. He did sustain multiple fractures to the face--at least 8 from what this non-doctor could read on the report. Both eye orbits are fractures at the bottom, his nose is broken in several places, his cheekbone, and four bones of his jaw. Most of the facial bones will just heal on their own, but the nose and jaw will require surgery in a couple of weeks when the swelling subsides. Overall, he is fortunate, completely fortunate. According to our hospital and Mayo, many, many professionals have told us how lucky he is. We don't believe in luck, rather in a mighty God who somehow cushioned his ride.

Yesterday was to be a tough day for him. He felt pretty well actually. His face doesn't look like the sweet Derek that it did on Friday night when he left our home, but it will. He spent yesterday with many friends...some right here in Charles City...and his new friends at his new home at Dordt, all of them with Derek by phone, email, prayers. The support system we have here is just amazing! Not only Derek's, but our entire family's. I tell my kids all the time, if you have one true friend, you are blessed. We feel so abundantly blessed by our friendships we have--our kids were all taken care of, dinner on our table when we arrived home, prayers be offered up on our behalf, rides, phone calls, emails...amazing!

I keep thinking of the verse in James that tells us to consider it pure joy when we face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything. To witness our 18 year-old's attitude of joy despite the trial--I'm amazed. He has not had a pity party for himself at all, but is not going to waste this lesson. We believe with everything inside of us that God has a plan for Derek's life. He is supposed to be here to accomplish something for HIM. Trials develop perseverence, which develops maturity...how I love to see these words for my son.

Throughout the unknowns of Friday night and Saturday morning, we all carried that peace that passes all understanding--we feel so blessed by that gift that can only come from the One who created Derek, the One who created us for a purpose. His power is so magnificent He calms the seas, He placed the stars in the sky, He commands all over all--He also had His hand on a little red Taurus with one of our greatest treasures in it--we give Him the praise and the glory. And the scars Derek may have, the pain he is carrying, it is not wasted, it is not in vain...but rather a reminder of what He has done in Derek's life.

This Monday, I am so thankful for my son. I'm also so thankful for the reminder of Who is in charge and freedom that goes along with that. And the joy...oh the JOY!!

Have a terrific day!
Gayle

Holly!!

I have been trying to post a comment on your blog, but it isn't letting me for some reason! I so want you to know that my family is praying for yours!! Please email me sometime at glopp@myclearwave.net. This is the only way I know how to get ahold of you :)!!

Your family is amazing--sweet Sarah is such a little trooper with the perfect parents God hand-chose!!

Love,
Gayle

Gracie update

I have been rather vague about what is going on in Gracie's life because, to be perfectly honest, noone really knows! That is...noone here on this earth knows! We take great confidence in Psalm 139 knowing that the One who made her, who created her inmost beings...He knows! He knows each fiber of her being, He knows her days---not only the number of them, but what they are filled with. Right now, today...this day...is filled with laughter, with Charlie Brown, with making eggs, with filling the bellies of our local ducks...today is a good day.

These past months, however, have had some very interesting, painful days for Gracie. She is battling through some severe leg pain, now some arm pain, and also has had an episode which initially appeared to be a stroke. We are still awaiting answers for what is taking over her little body, but in the meantime...we are enjoying today. When I say she is battling intense pain, that is true, but it is not all the time. She may go days with none that she complains of anyways, then have a day where she cannot function at all. When her legs hurt, she cannot walk...she just sobs. In the past two days, her left arm is also hurting.

We seriously see God's hand ALL THE TIME in her life. He has continued to bless our family with the best caregivers and doctors, here in Charles City and at the Mayo Clinic. The doctor that is overseeing these new symptoms is seriously one of the kindest people I have ever met. He so wants answers and he so wants the answers to be treatable and fixable. It is so puzzling to him as he rules out one thing after another. We spent a considerable amount of time with him last week. All involved do not think this is directly related to her heart disease. At this point, he is thinking she may have an issue with her bone marrow. Obviously, our minds race to leukemia...as does his. The good thing--the simple bloodwork they took is not showing anything too out of whack, but 20% of the time, it is not a red flag. The next step for Gracie is to meet with an orthopedist, just to make sure they are like-minded when pursuing this next avenue of diagnosis.

Our family has amazing peace. In my heart, I do not think she has leukemia. She has something...that I know. Throughout these last four years, Gracie has had many, many issues. Her heart is not good. Yet, she has never had pain until these last months--at her young age, she should not be in pain. As her mom, this is what breaks my heart. I know God made her perfectly...heart and all. I just plead for Him to take away her pain...that is the part I do not understand. I know we live in a broken world with sin and pain and heartache--but, a child in pain is too much to bear.

The silver lining--most of the time...she feels just fine. She runs and plays and gets into mischief. There are times I'm pulling my own hair out because she is so incredibly normal...naughty!! She is taking dance with my dear friend, she just went to her first princess birthday party, she loves, loves, LOVES feeding the duck and going down the biggest slides at the park. Her life is so full! Her spirit is so free and amazing! She's doing things I never dreamed she's be doing...talking up a storm, telling stories, joking around, enjoying life. I, in no way, want this post to sound negative...it's just real life. And sometimes, real life is just hard. When the tough stuff happens, we are learning to just completely treasure all that is good, realizing that it's all temporary...joy always comes.

Our neurology appointment was cancelled on Friday morning due to a sick doctor. It is now scheduled, along with a cardiology appointment and bloodwork for October 29, unless there is a cancellation. We have the benefit of being able to drop everything and head north, so we may be there next week--we shall see. She is scheduled to see the best of the best--for that we are grateful. I will try to update when we hear anything. Know that we appreciate your prayers!

Have a super day!!

Love,
Gayle

Where did the summer go??

Oh my goodness, it's Labor Day! It's just so hard to believe summer is over--it's been a good one, that's for sure. Since I've been about the worst blogger in the world, I understand if there is noone left reading! As far as journaling my kids' lives, this is it, so I will continue on and give them at least a little glimpse into our lives as I see it.

We have been a busy crew, that's for sure! Summer started out with a graduation...Derek's. How fun to watch him receive his diploma and be rewarded with his amazing efforts. Derek has been such a joy to raise--as we have dreaded sending him on his way, we are completely excited to watch the next chapter of his life be revealed. We also take seriously God's promise that all of Derek's days were written before one of them came to be. God has a perfect plan for this young man's life--how blessed we are to have a front row seat!! Derek spent his mornings watching Gracie for me and his afternoons were spent working on his tan, I mean lifeguarding, at the city pool. He found a new passion--SOCCER--and was able to play on a team that ventured to the Iowa Games in July. What fun they had kicking that white ball around. And he ran...and ran...and ran. He also found lots of time to spend with his friends, one darling one in particular!!

Connor also had a terrific summer playing golf and baseball. He put the bat to the ball in some pretty intense heat! Our summer was warm and every time I heard the complaints about how hot a particular child was watching baseball, I just had to remind her of all of the clothes Connor had to wear...she became quiet. Then Connor joined the soccer team that Derek was on and also took advantage of an opportunity to run with the XC team in Colorado. He was going from one thing to the next--fitting in a job at the pool and also lots of time with his friends, again a pretty sweet one in particular! And he ran...but not much!

Breuklyn spent lots of time with her furry beasts--even adding another to her horse family. Curtis decided to bring home an old, FREE horse. Wouldn't you know it--he's my favorite. He barely moves! She worked so hard preparing for fair this year, entering her horses, horse tack she had made and wouldn't you know it--her CUPCAKES made it to State Fair! She also was on the swim team and RAN...and ran. She also found lots of time to hang out with friends, go to the pool, do what 7th graders do.

Selah had a pretty great summer. It seems like her episodes are fewer than what they once were--perhaps we are headed in the right direction. She just loves to go to the pool and play outside--there is no need to fill up her schedule right now with activities--she really just needs to be home as much as possible. She gets plenty of out time just going with us to all of the games and activities--her time will come to have a crazy schedule. It's just not now. Since she spent so many years in an orphanage, she really never learned how to play. She now plays! That is huge...to hear her role-play, playing house, playing the mom, feeding and dressing her babies...at nearly 10 years old, it seems like she is much, much younger, but that's OK. She needs to go back a bit and find some joy in some things she missed along the way. Right now, Selah and Gracie are watching Veggie Tales, playing with the doll house as she acts out the roles--it's good to see, good to hear.

Gracie's summer was mostly great. She continues to battle some pretty intense leg and foot pain. We really do not have answers yet, but hopefully someone will figure out something. She has to endure so much that any suffering just seems over-the-top for her. Heart disease is rather pain-free, so this has thrown us for a loop. There are times she will cry for 6 hours in excruciating pain--we cannot find relief when this happens. Most days are good. She may have pain, but can deal with it...but those other days are awful. Gracie also had an episode a week ago that has left us a bit puzzled and afraid. She is fine now, no effects at all, but at the time it appeared to be a stroke. The CAT scan came back normal, but she will seeing a neurologist in two weeks.

We did manage a pretty amazing ROAD TRIP this summer. We spent one night on Michigan Avenue in Chicago shopping with our five kids...and it was fun! Really fun! So fun noone wanted to leave (when I say shopping, I mean we walked right past all of my favorite stores with drool running down my face and went into stores like Puma, Nike, Disney, Penguin, Adidas...no Banana Republic, no Crabtree and Evelyn). We left Chicago much, much later than planned and drove through the night to Niagara Falls. I was so insistant on getting this amazing suite overlooking the fireworks on Niagara Falls, spending way too much money and we checked into our hotel at 5:30 am, missing everything!! Niagara Falls didn't disappoint this tired mama though--it was fantastic!! We enjoyed that day so very much. We then drove to Mentor, Ohio where Curtis and the three older kids went fishing on Lake Erie and brought home 23 giant walleye--delicious souvenier, that's for sure! After fishing, we spent four days at Cedar Point riding all of the record setting roller coasters and went home! Sweet time, sweet memories!

Now it's back to school, back to work for me, off to college--we have someone in every school this year--college, high school, middle school, elementary, and one at home--kind of fun, huh? As we say good-bye to summer, 2010, we smile! It was a good one!

still here!

I apologize to anyone who is still checking in on our family--I have been horrible about updating this blog. I have started a post several times and just do not have the words. We are having a terrific summer...yet are struggling with some stuff with Gracie...I just can't put this all into words yet--our hearts are still sort of raw with all that is going on in her little body. I promise I will share more when I am able.

What I am learning is this...when our world seems to be crumbling around us, God continues to bless us. We are having so many incredible days with our family--we are making so many memories to last a lifetime. As follower of THE MOST HIGH, we do not only live by circumstance, but with hope, with joy, with love!

My time right now is very little on the computer...I have a little girl who is calling my name--I better run!