Thursday, December 16, 2010

The last day of being 3!

Gracie is out of her MRI and did very well with anesthesia. We have not heard the results yet--Curtis was just talking about the fabulous LIFE performance at church when one of the groups sang a song to Philipians 4:6-7--Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, with prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. I can't really say we are anxious--we quite obviously don't want Gracie to have any brain issues--her little body is already enduring so much. I don't believe that means we are anxious. We are actually having a nice time snuggling with our daughter today. Right now Curtis and Gracie are making pla-doh cookies, watching Cat in the Hat, and eating ice cream--doesn't sound so bad, does it? She is feeling much, much better--her fever is gone, she still has that rotten ole headache, and is walking, talking, and acting pretty normal. No matter what is going on in her brain, it doesn't seem to be affecting her motor skills or cognative abilities. Now anyways.

We should hear some results soon. They also tested her for RSV and influenza, and a variety of bacterial stuff. She, of course, has everyone wrapped around her finger! The doctors and nurses LOVE her...she's quite famous around this neck of the woods.

We did just get some visitors--our friend, Betty, from church is a couple of floors above us and is reported to be doing much better. Her husband, Dave, and Bill and Aimee, stopped in for a chat. It was so good to see some friends!

We will not be coming home today, but there is hope for tomorrow. We will await the results of the tests and if things look good, we could be on our way to celebrate Gracie's 4th birthday at home! Curtis and I realized she has either been in the hospital or just a day home for every birthday--what's up with that??

I will let you know when I hear anything and if there are any plans to follow! Thank you so much for praying for our family. We are blessed!


back in the hospital

I only have a couple of minutes, but want to share that Gracie has been admitted to the hospital in Rochester. She had an appointment with her rheumatologist yesterday afternoon--while there she spiked a fever and had a horrific headache. He sent us to the emergency room. After several hours of tests and various doctors, it was decided to keep her for observation and testing. The headaches are quiet concerning. In September, she had a headache that sent us to the ER as well. At that time, she was demonstrating some stroke-like symptoms. Her cardiologist referred us on to neurology, who decided to look into further if it happened again. Well, yesterday was the day! How God knew we needed to be at this facility!!

She really gave me a great scare yesterday--she was completely out of it for hours, many hours. Then she started vomiting blood. Why, oh why, does she need so many struggles?

She is having an MRI right now. Why doesn't it get any easier to watch your child be put to sleep? I hate that part of any surgery...big or small. I know she's in good hands, but to relinquish that control and leave the room is always tough. Don't they know I could help??

Concerns are this...stroke, meningitis, an infection, or an abcess. She has had headaches off and on for over a week--I probably should have brought her in earlier, but when nothing was done last time, I guess I just blew it off a bit.

Tomorrow is Gracie's 4th birthday--we are so hoping we can all be home! A terrific birthday present would be for this head "stuff" to just be nothing!

I better run...I'll try to update later!

Thanks for your prayers for sweet Gracie!


Thursday, December 9, 2010

a change of heart

I've been learning lots about my heart...and how unlike Christ it actually is. The lessons I continue to learn through this gift God has given me called adoption completely blow my mind! A month ago I had a commitment to share my story with a group of adoptive parents, some already have their children home with them and some are in the midst of the process. Anyways, I was super excited about this...until the day arrived. As I spent four hours in the car driving to the location, God began to prepare my heart. I talked outloud with Him because I was alone (imagine that) times smiling, at times getting a little loud, but most of the drive I was talking through tears to the One who always listens, who always stays true to His promise--the One I adore, the One I seek, the One in whom I placed my trust and my life. I thought, in my own wisdom that I would talk about Ephesians 1...God adopting us into His family and the parallels that earthly adoption would align with. Don't get me wrong, there are some nice parallels--God chose me, we chose Selah. I was broken and in need of saving. Selah was broken and in need of saving. God loves me so much that He forgives my sinfulness and and sees the beauty, rather than the ugliness that so often is my mirrored image.

That's where the difference lies--right there! I thought I loved well. I loved my other children well--those that were born to me, sweet Gracie who came to me without a tiny infant, helpless and not tainted by the world. But Selah...I love Selah...when she conforms to my desires, when her behaviors are appropriate and kind, when I am feeling patient and kindhearted, when I get enough sleep. Seriously? My love has been so conditional--it's completely humiliating to admit, but until I was able to admit this to myself and to God, I was stuck. I can make a list of all the reasons that I was entitled to these feelings, but in reality I have absolutely no business even making an excuse for my attitude.

God amazes me! Completely amazes me! It's times like this that convince me more and more that He is so present with me--only He can change my heart. Others can speak to me, can give advice, can help, but only God can change a heart. Many, many times it's through the voices of His people that we are changed, but the credit is always His. It's in those quiet, seemingly dark times that so often we are overcome with His light. That day, in my car...a change began. He has given me a new love for my daughter. Am I still frustrated? To be perfectly honest, I haven't been since that day. Have the behaviors changed? Maybe a bit--that's not the point--they will. It's my perspective that has. I am called to love as He loves and that is without condition. Love can not depend on circumstance or it is not love at all.

Selah is a delight, she is created by God in His image. She, like me, needs a Savior because we all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). It's so much fun listening to hear recite all of her Bible verses--she knows quite a few and they are so meaningful to her. I asked her what her favorite verse was for our Christmas card and she replied "Joshua 1:5--I will never leave you nor forsake you." She has lived 8 years of life left and forsaken--she is no longer. My eyes are all wet just thinking of the magnitude of that answer. All she wants, all she desires is to know that she is not going to be left or forsaken. Whether she understands the love of God or not, she needs to know that love from her parents first and we pray she sees Christ through us fullfilling that promise to her.

The rest of the Opps are doing well. Derek recovered well from his accident--thank you so much for praying for him and for all the kind words. Gracie is doing OK--her blood counts are going in the wrong direction and she needs to have some pretty major oral surgery in the next few weeks. Connor is busy with basketball and Breuklyn is swimming. We celebrated Selah's birthday on Sunday--what a fun day we had! And tomorrow is the big event--Selah and Gracie are both having their first birthday parties ever with friends!! We will be constructing gingerbread houses with 20 kids--should make for some fun photo opps! I will try to update this more often--actually I don't even know if anyone is still checking in. No matter, I love having a journal for my kids!

Have a terrific night!