Living our fear...

AND IT'S OK! When adopting Selah, I was rather hesitant. I had read and read and read stories of adopting older institutionalized children. Fear of the unknown overtook my heart and my mind--in no way would I even consider adopting a child over the age of 5. But then came that list...

We prayed over each child on the list--I set the papers off to the side of the children in which I was certain we couldn't parent--off to the side went the file on He Fubai. A few of the children needed several surgeries--with Gracie's many hospital stays and level of care, we knew the timing wasn't right to bring home another child who would keep me away from home. Then there was He Fubai--pretty healthy, a sad face, and SEVEN years old. What if we brought home a child that would disrupt our already busy lives? What if the child was destructive, or worse--violent? Disrupt birth order? I had read that was not recommended, sometimes not allowed.

Yet Curtis. He would question my heart. He would question my motives. He would remind me that we didn't need another child, but a child needed us. "Which of these children won't be chosen?" he would ask. He Fubai would make it back into our pile.

Well, many of my greatest fears have come true. We are dealing with significant issues with Selah...some days are good, some are OK, some are horrific. We are living my fear.

And you know what?

It's OK!

Our marriage has never been stronger, our other children are doing beautifully, our family unit is tight, loving, and committed to one another. We are just fine.

The love I see my children pouring out for a child who doesn't love back...it's quite amazing to see. Our kids are learning to love IN SPITE OF the circumstances...to love because HE loves.

So...if you are considering adopting an older child and you are as freaked out as I was, know this...even if your worst fears come true, He will provide all you need...more than that, He will love through you and you will be OK!

I have started this post, deleted this post, rewrote this post, published this post, deleted this post...I never want anyone to think badly of Selah. She is a lovely little girl with a completely broken heart that can only be fixed by Jesus. We love her dearly and rejoice in every smile, every bit of progress, every hug. She is a treasure!!

Matthew 6:19-21 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.

HOME!!!

We had a fabulous trip!! How sweet it was to share 12 dinners, 12 breakfasts, and several other "meals" with all seven of us...minus cell phones. How we enjoyed playing on the beach, sitting in the sun, just being together for 6 days--beautiful time with priceless memories etched on our hearts.

It truly was GRACIE'S TRIP!! At first, we thought...Gracie may not even remember this trip, how can we make it hers?? Well, first of all, she has never had more attention EVER. All of the kids doted on her, we spent our days and nights as a family choosing what Gracie would like best. To think this little sweetie is going under the knife in one short month inspired each of us to appreciate this beautiful time. We had planned on renting jet skis and leaving Gracie with the childcare center. When it came down to it, none of the kids wanted to do anything without her...instead we spent that day at the beach playing in the blue water and soft sand.

The food was fabulous--did I mention we ate? And ate, and ate, and ate? Our older three kids are quite adventurous with food--how they loved trying everything! We pretty much loved having the freedom to approach any restaurant, any food booth and grab whatever we wanted. I'm certain our family added a few pounds before we had to go home.

Our family is humbled by the generosity of the Make-A-Wish foundation and will be lifelong supporters. We are so grateful for having these memories with Gracie!

Enjoy the photos!!

Gayle

Bon Voyage!!!

We are leaving our hotel shortly to board the ship!! So stinkin' exciting!!! I couldn't sleep at all last night and headed to the hotel lobby early this morning to post pics of Gracie and her bags at the airport. Wouldn't you know it--I couldn't get my laptop connected to the internet. She was ALL business yesterday walking through the airport with her backpack and wheeled suitcase. We ran to Target the night before so we would have the perfect stroller and she wouldn't hear of it!

We've had a great two days with our family just getting here! We closed down the Mall of America on Friday night, filled our bellies with ribs, slept a bit, then began our day of travel. Our flights were delayed a couple of hours, so we spent most of the day at the airport. How grateful we are for technology! The boys and Breuklyn camped out at a little internet hotspot with their gadgets and Gracie and Selah watched movies on our laptop. I'm wondering what parents did back in "the day"?

As the rest of the family was snoozing this morning, I woke up with such joy in my heart. Not only do we have this opportunity for a fabulous vacation with our family, we have been so blessed by our new "make-a-wish" family. Again, our journey with Gracie has blessed us with so many new friends. The three fabulous women who have shared their time with us, those who we will never meet, but give so generously...treasures, that's for sure! On the plane yesterday, a family walked in behind us--their little boy had on a Make-A-Wish tshirt and they noticed the backpack Curtis was carrying. After visiting a bit, we found out we only live 30 minutes from each other--we spent a little time in the airport here in Orlando, exchanged information, and talked of getting together when we return--another blessing!

I will try to get some photos on here soon, that is if my computer is working!!

Have a fabulous Valentine's Day and Happy Chinese New Year!!
Gayle