Our mountain...that is! As I shared a couple of weeks ago, we are going through some really tough stuff with Selah, really tough. Again, I don't want to embarrass her or have anyone think she's a horrible child. She is not. Curtis compares her to a robot--she will go where you ask her, do what you ask her to do, completely submissive and sweet UNTIL she's by herself. She can turn herself on and off , seemingly feeling nothing...just blank. It's in those times alone, whether it's 30 seconds or an hour, that she shows really disturbing behavior. Now that we know, we cannot allow her to be alone, which is tough. It's tough on us as parents, it's tough on Selah, and it's tough on the other kids, who are completely innocent, not asking for the chaos that has wreaked havoc on our home. As we have tried everything we know to try, we are throwing our hands up (finally) and just asking God to move this mountain--we cannot. Can our faith be the size of a mustard seed, real faith? That's what we are now working on--ourselves. We have prayed all along that God would just give us the wisdom to parent this child, now we are taking it a step further and asking Him that He would penetrate her heart so deeply that she will feel, that she will take ownership of her behaviors, of her feelings, of her past, her emotions, her decisions and that He will change her.
I'm not a mountain climber, but one time, many years ago, as a child I climbed a mountain. Well, most of us wouldn't consider it a mountain, but it has "mount" in it's name, so I'm going with it. Mount Baldy in the Black Hills of South Dakota. I was 9 years old and went to a church camp with friends of our family. What I remember is this...all I could see was the path in front of me--I couldn't see the top of the mountain, in no way could I see the other side. We climbed and climbed and climbed...and at 9 years old, I was exhausted, really ready to turn back, but we kept on moving up. When we made it to the top, we could see such beauty...God's marvelous creation below us with the hot sun basking on us.
Right now we are climbing up the mountain...all I'm seeing is what's right in front of my face. We are completely exhausted, ready to turn back, yet knowing if we keep trudging through, we will make it to the top and it will be glorious. As we are enjoying Derek home for one more year--our time seems to be flying by...this added stress to our family is just breaking my heart. We are just telling that mountain to MOVE IT! I don't want to climb anymore, I want off of the path, and I want the mountain gone. I know we are not able to "fix" Selah, nor is that our job, as a friend so kindly pointed out--we are just loving her the best we know how. We do, however, need to keep the rest of our family safe and healthy, so the behavior needs to change. We are unable to fix a heart...yet the same God that has been working on Gracie's literally broken heart is completely able to fix Selah's broken heart...we are placing our faith in the One who created this being and placed her in our arms and in our home. We trust HIM!
Matthew 17:20 He (Jesus) replied , "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I believe His Word as truth and am claiming His power over Selah's life!
Continually in His grip,
OK...I googled Mount Baldy and it's actually Old Baldy, which really isn't that impressive, but hey, for a 9 year-old, it was Everest!