I apologize to anyone who is still checking in on our family--I have been horrible about updating this blog. I have started a post several times and just do not have the words. We are having a terrific summer...yet are struggling with some stuff with Gracie...I just can't put this all into words yet--our hearts are still sort of raw with all that is going on in her little body. I promise I will share more when I am able.
What I am learning is this...when our world seems to be crumbling around us, God continues to bless us. We are having so many incredible days with our family--we are making so many memories to last a lifetime. As follower of THE MOST HIGH, we do not only live by circumstance, but with hope, with joy, with love!
My time right now is very little on the computer...I have a little girl who is calling my name--I better run!
Monday, July 5, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
I have a GRADUATE...
an adult...really? We have had a crazy few weeks around here--this blog has certainly been taking a backseat to LIFE! So many changes lie ahead for Derek--in a few months he'll be packing his car and ours to head to Dordt College to study pre-med biology and continue his running career with track and cross country. We are so proud of his accomplishments and his character. He has been and continues to be a joy to parent. I've had so much fun with him these past few days as he has been my only "big kid" home. We've played some serious bean bag toss, sat in the sun, been amused at Gracie's continuous antics, and just enjoyed some sweet mom/son time together. I haven't shed a tear yet over graduation...and I don't think I will. Isn't this what our goal in parenting is? To give our children wings! I'm sure the day we drop him off at Dordt will be a bit different, for I will miss him something terrible. He's just a great guy! Today, I just rejoice in the past 18 years...so grateful for this tremendous blessing in my life!!
What a blessing to work at the post-graduation party on Sunday night!! It was a blast watching Derek and his friends dancing and laughing and just being! He and his friends are so like-minded, they have lived out their high school years with such dignity and morality--as I miss my own son, I will miss these kids who are like my own as well! This summer MUST be filled with friendships, good times, sunshine, and future memories.
I really need to get on my other computer--the one with pictures!! For some reason, that computer is slow on the internet, but great with photos--this computer is quick, but doesn't hold my tens of thousands of pictures.
Have a great day!
Gayle
What a blessing to work at the post-graduation party on Sunday night!! It was a blast watching Derek and his friends dancing and laughing and just being! He and his friends are so like-minded, they have lived out their high school years with such dignity and morality--as I miss my own son, I will miss these kids who are like my own as well! This summer MUST be filled with friendships, good times, sunshine, and future memories.
I really need to get on my other computer--the one with pictures!! For some reason, that computer is slow on the internet, but great with photos--this computer is quick, but doesn't hold my tens of thousands of pictures.
Have a great day!
Gayle
Friday, May 7, 2010
a brief update...
Thank you for the emails...I do think some of them are going to Connor first--for some reason when I started this blog, his email is the one that is on the "dashboard". My email is glopp@myclearwave.net I'm so completely clueless with computers--not sure how to change it.
Anyways, Gracie is doing pretty well. Her foot/leg pain is daily at this point...sometimes excruciating, sometimes pretty manageable. We are just giving her motrin or tylenol to alleviate the pain. Her bone scan likely was normal because I have heard nothing back, nor have I called to begin more testing. The pediatrician we have at Mayo is hesitant to give Gracie more meds anyways because of her heart, so if we can get by with this for a bit, we will do so.
We are noticing some shortness of breath, decreased activity level, more sleep. When she runs across our yard, she is done for. She can play and play for hours, but any running or walking just wears her out. She can go upstairs and need to be carried back down...not normal for a 3 year-old, that's for sure. There has also been a couple of mornings that we have a hard time warming up her little body.
We are having fun watching her learn, listening to her sweet voice. She's a happy little girl, full of spunk and sass! She gives big, wet, long kisses, cuddles lots, and loves to role-play. She's always playing with her babies, who happen to look a lot like Buzz and Woody from Toy Story, she loves being read to, watching movies, and just hangin' with her mommy.
We also aren't really all that concerned about potty training or pacifiers! All those things that we rushed our other children out of are really no concern at this point for Gracie. She sometimes wears her big girl panties (her favorites are boys briefs because that's the only toy story ones we could find) but most of the time asks for a diaper. Big deal? Nope. Our house has never been messier or dustier...big deal? Nope. She doesn't know her ABCs and cannot count to 10...big deal? Nope. We just desire for her to enjoy life, to know she is treasured beyond measure. We love to experience the vast amount of joy she experiences--it's so hard to describe the feeling we have with her of holding onto each moment, not knowing if some of these days won't be around for long. I feel like I'm actually sucking her in, trying to freeze different moments. She told me last week..." Me get big, me pway socca...you watch? Ok? You watch? OK? " Will she get big? I don't know. Will she play soccer? not likely. Crushed dreams at 31/2--tough one to take...I sobbed. Then we went outside and played soccer...not crushed dreams--but possibilities. We have not given up hope for a future with Gracie...not in the least, yet we also have been hit with a brick of reality these past couple of months. It seems like we are on the fence right now--hoping and praying for life, yet living and breathing only for today. Maybe that's the way we should be living anyways...who knows?
Anyways, Gracie is doing pretty well. Her foot/leg pain is daily at this point...sometimes excruciating, sometimes pretty manageable. We are just giving her motrin or tylenol to alleviate the pain. Her bone scan likely was normal because I have heard nothing back, nor have I called to begin more testing. The pediatrician we have at Mayo is hesitant to give Gracie more meds anyways because of her heart, so if we can get by with this for a bit, we will do so.
We are noticing some shortness of breath, decreased activity level, more sleep. When she runs across our yard, she is done for. She can play and play for hours, but any running or walking just wears her out. She can go upstairs and need to be carried back down...not normal for a 3 year-old, that's for sure. There has also been a couple of mornings that we have a hard time warming up her little body.
We are having fun watching her learn, listening to her sweet voice. She's a happy little girl, full of spunk and sass! She gives big, wet, long kisses, cuddles lots, and loves to role-play. She's always playing with her babies, who happen to look a lot like Buzz and Woody from Toy Story, she loves being read to, watching movies, and just hangin' with her mommy.
We also aren't really all that concerned about potty training or pacifiers! All those things that we rushed our other children out of are really no concern at this point for Gracie. She sometimes wears her big girl panties (her favorites are boys briefs because that's the only toy story ones we could find) but most of the time asks for a diaper. Big deal? Nope. Our house has never been messier or dustier...big deal? Nope. She doesn't know her ABCs and cannot count to 10...big deal? Nope. We just desire for her to enjoy life, to know she is treasured beyond measure. We love to experience the vast amount of joy she experiences--it's so hard to describe the feeling we have with her of holding onto each moment, not knowing if some of these days won't be around for long. I feel like I'm actually sucking her in, trying to freeze different moments. She told me last week..." Me get big, me pway socca...you watch? Ok? You watch? OK? " Will she get big? I don't know. Will she play soccer? not likely. Crushed dreams at 31/2--tough one to take...I sobbed. Then we went outside and played soccer...not crushed dreams--but possibilities. We have not given up hope for a future with Gracie...not in the least, yet we also have been hit with a brick of reality these past couple of months. It seems like we are on the fence right now--hoping and praying for life, yet living and breathing only for today. Maybe that's the way we should be living anyways...who knows?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Livin' the good life!!
We most certainly are!! Although we have lots going through our minds concerning Gracie, life at the Opps is rather fun. We are getting ready for Derek's graduation...oh, man, I'm going to miss this kid! He is/has always been a delight to parent. He has such a sweet, kind-hearted spirit that is full of adventure and silliness...at home, he's often the life of the party. One night he was out with friends at dinnertime and we realized how quiet our family was without him. He adores his sisters--all three of them! Sweet Gracie has him wrapped around her tiny little finger and she knows it. Mom and Dad might say "no" once in awhile, but Derek--NEVER! We are threatening him big time...you know, that day where he brings his kids over to our house so we can babysit--oh my...we will DELIGHT in giving them everything. No? What's that? Derek is having a blast with his track season, enjoying his friends, making many memories these last weeks of his high school time.Connor has started golf and he loves it! He has been golfing rain or shine, cold or warm, sometimes it's pretty dark out and he's still missing. He had his first high school meet on Monday and is looking to improve his score next time. It wasn't his best day, but he's had some pretty amazing days leading up to it. He, too, is just so much fun! I love parenting high school boys--there is no drama...or not much drama, anyways. Connor and his friends spend lots of time over here, empty our snack box often, laugh LOUDLY, and just have so much fun.
Breuklyn has been back at the barn...which means I've been spending many of my days at the barn as well. One of my friends was out with her kids the other day and stated that she would've pictured me last of anyone to be out with these furry beasts. She's so right. I don't like animals up close and personal. I'm pretty much freaked out by anything alive and non-human. God is smiling, maybe belly-laughing when He watches what goes on in that barn. I'm pretty sure every hose is a snack, everything fuzzy is a mouse, disgusted by poop on my sandals...He must laugh. I love nothing more than watching Breuklyn's hair in the wind as her horse is running through the field with her on his bare back...she is gorgeous out there--exactly what she was made to do. I'm still sort of freaked out, but am stomping around there pushing heavy horse butts out of the way, throwing bales of hay, and yeah...stepping in poo!
Selah is doing beautifully! This is only God. We have been so clueless as to how to parent her unique needs...He has completely intervened. Her heart has changed so much in the past couple of months--it blows my mind. Not only is she falling in love with her family...we have fallen head over heels in love with her. She fits perfectly. Oh, how I enjoy listening to her read. She has so much expression, especially when she doesn't think anyone can hear her. We turn the monitor on when her and Gracie play together...at first for safety reasons, now just to hear their giggles, to hear them role-play...they are so incredibly tight. True sisters in every sense of the word. Thank you for praying for our daughter--God indeed is filling her up!
And Gracie...despite the bad news of a couple of weeks ago, she is doing super well. She talks and talks and talks and talks... Just a few months ago, she could say very, very little. Today, I sent my friend Sara, her speech therapist, a text that said She won't shut up! THanks :) It's true...she talks from the time she gets up until she goes to bed...her little mouth is always moving. She giggles with everything inside of her. What a little honey she is.
Life is good...it's amazing actually. Sometimes we get so caught up in what is hard that we forget just how beautiful our life actually is. The past couple of weeks have been difficult--we can't help but think of what is to come. But today--sheer bliss!
Oh yeah--and Connor is 15--am I really typing that? 15 years of awesomeness!!
Saturday, April 3, 2010
feet and knees
Just a little update on Gracie. We have spent a large portion of our week at the Mayo Clinic once again to try to figure out Gracie's foot pain. In my not-doctor mind, I was thinking the surgery might take care of the foot pain as well, yet the doctors are convinced the foot pain is it's own issue. Foot and leg pain can often be an indicator of something bigger...no matter--we just need to find out how to alleviate the pain.
So on Wednesday, we headed north. Gracie and I met with a pedicatric rheumatologist. Her symptoms do, somewhat, align themselves with rheumatoid arthritis. Before making a diagnosis and starting a treatment plan other possibilities need to be weeded out. This past week she had intensive xrays and a complete bone scan. Yesterday we went for the bone scan--they had to place an IV, which is so scary for Gracie. She screamed and screamed...miserable, scared, just sick of the pokes. They called in pediatric specialists...by then, Gracie and I were both a mess. This is the most difficult things about parenting Gracie--watching her suffer. She's up at nights lots with horrible foot pain...and now knee pain. Then the many pokes. She walks into any medical office and declares, "no pokes, no owies, dus dawk, k?" (just talk) She so, so anxious about needles...and I don't blame her. They poke, and poke, and poke. She has no idea, nor can she conceive the idea that the pokes are for her benefit. I want to be her rescuer when this is happening, but instead I'm the one holding her down. It just stinks.
Yesterday, however, when the pokes were done, when the bone scan was complete, the technician allowed Gracie to perform an MRI on her Woody doll, who is actually her Nino doll, which actually is Derek...clear as mud? Anyways she strapped him to the table, pushed the buttons to slide him through the tunnel, closing the top really close to his little round nose. Then she told him...sweetly, yet firmly..."no wiggle woes, Nino." She held onto his head and his hand and put her face really close to his. Then she pushed the button to slide him on out. When the machine stopped, she gently picked him up, sat on the stool, and rocked him, kissing his little brown hat, and telling him that she loved him. That's what mommies do!
We are very uncertain about Gracie's future...what it's going to look like, how long it's going to be...yet we are convinced and KNOW THAT WE KNOW THAT WE KNOW Who is holding onto her future. When we are dealing with the tears...hers and ours...we know that in a moment there will be joy, there will be smiles, there will be laughter, for we know, without a doubt He is holding onto us.
Besides the foot and knee pain, Gracie is doing really well. She feels terrific, she has a lot of energy, she's talking up a storm.
Better run...off to dye some eggs!
Gayle
So on Wednesday, we headed north. Gracie and I met with a pedicatric rheumatologist. Her symptoms do, somewhat, align themselves with rheumatoid arthritis. Before making a diagnosis and starting a treatment plan other possibilities need to be weeded out. This past week she had intensive xrays and a complete bone scan. Yesterday we went for the bone scan--they had to place an IV, which is so scary for Gracie. She screamed and screamed...miserable, scared, just sick of the pokes. They called in pediatric specialists...by then, Gracie and I were both a mess. This is the most difficult things about parenting Gracie--watching her suffer. She's up at nights lots with horrible foot pain...and now knee pain. Then the many pokes. She walks into any medical office and declares, "no pokes, no owies, dus dawk, k?" (just talk) She so, so anxious about needles...and I don't blame her. They poke, and poke, and poke. She has no idea, nor can she conceive the idea that the pokes are for her benefit. I want to be her rescuer when this is happening, but instead I'm the one holding her down. It just stinks.
Yesterday, however, when the pokes were done, when the bone scan was complete, the technician allowed Gracie to perform an MRI on her Woody doll, who is actually her Nino doll, which actually is Derek...clear as mud? Anyways she strapped him to the table, pushed the buttons to slide him through the tunnel, closing the top really close to his little round nose. Then she told him...sweetly, yet firmly..."no wiggle woes, Nino." She held onto his head and his hand and put her face really close to his. Then she pushed the button to slide him on out. When the machine stopped, she gently picked him up, sat on the stool, and rocked him, kissing his little brown hat, and telling him that she loved him. That's what mommies do!
We are very uncertain about Gracie's future...what it's going to look like, how long it's going to be...yet we are convinced and KNOW THAT WE KNOW THAT WE KNOW Who is holding onto her future. When we are dealing with the tears...hers and ours...we know that in a moment there will be joy, there will be smiles, there will be laughter, for we know, without a doubt He is holding onto us.
Besides the foot and knee pain, Gracie is doing really well. She feels terrific, she has a lot of energy, she's talking up a storm.
Better run...off to dye some eggs!
Gayle
Thursday, March 25, 2010
that's what faith can do
I've seen dreams that move a mountain,
Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling.
I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered,
Broken hearts become brand new.
That's what faith can do!
Words by Kutless
Yesterday, after driving home from Rochester with tears flowing freely, this song came blaring through my car speakers--exactly what I needed to hear.
I will back up. On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from Gracie's cardiologist. He told me they had a "meeting of the minds" concerning Gracie's surgery that was on the schedule for this morning. After much discussion and review of her previous tests and previous surgeries, they ALL (2 surgeons and 8 pediatric cardiologists) were in agreement that it was too risky for Gracie to have this surgery. She not only falls into the high risk category, but is in every high risk category they have a category for apparently. Her cardiologist told me to bring her up yesterday, run her through the 8 appointments on her schedule and a final decision would be made.
We still had hope. This surgery has been the one that we were told could possibly give her a somewhat normal life, not a long life, but a much longer life. The key word is possibly. The doctors do not feel confident at all that she would survive the surgery, much yet the years following the surgery. If the surgery wouldn't be successful, there would be nothing left to try for her.
All that to say...no surgery.
Without the surgery, her ventricle will likely wear out in it's own time. It's a lose, lose situation. From a wordly perspective.
I praise God for another perspective! It wasn't doctors 3 years ago that healed Gracie's valve. Even Gracie's surgeon yesterday told me "Gracie's life is a miracle. She shouldn't be here today." That's what we are holding onto. Not one thing in Gracie has changed since Monday's phone call, since last fall's scheduling of surgery. She is the same--all of her tests were good (for Gracie), she gets to stay home, rather than be in the hospital right now fighting for her life. I was told yesterday to just enjoy my family, enjoy being together--that's what we will do. And pray...we will continue to seek the Lord, we will continue to trust Him with her life and that means trusting Him to give her as many days as He has planned. If He does take her home to Himself at a young age, we will continue to trust Him, we will continue to praise Him for allowing us to parent such an amazing child.
We've had a lot to process these past couple of days. Yesterday, it was as if our hopes were crushed. Today, I am so comforted by the fact that my hope does not lie in man, but in God, who loves Gracie more than I possibly can. He loves my family and His plan ultimately is a good one.
Praising through tears!
Gayle
Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling.
I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered,
Broken hearts become brand new.
That's what faith can do!
Words by Kutless
Yesterday, after driving home from Rochester with tears flowing freely, this song came blaring through my car speakers--exactly what I needed to hear.
I will back up. On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from Gracie's cardiologist. He told me they had a "meeting of the minds" concerning Gracie's surgery that was on the schedule for this morning. After much discussion and review of her previous tests and previous surgeries, they ALL (2 surgeons and 8 pediatric cardiologists) were in agreement that it was too risky for Gracie to have this surgery. She not only falls into the high risk category, but is in every high risk category they have a category for apparently. Her cardiologist told me to bring her up yesterday, run her through the 8 appointments on her schedule and a final decision would be made.
We still had hope. This surgery has been the one that we were told could possibly give her a somewhat normal life, not a long life, but a much longer life. The key word is possibly. The doctors do not feel confident at all that she would survive the surgery, much yet the years following the surgery. If the surgery wouldn't be successful, there would be nothing left to try for her.
All that to say...no surgery.
Without the surgery, her ventricle will likely wear out in it's own time. It's a lose, lose situation. From a wordly perspective.
I praise God for another perspective! It wasn't doctors 3 years ago that healed Gracie's valve. Even Gracie's surgeon yesterday told me "Gracie's life is a miracle. She shouldn't be here today." That's what we are holding onto. Not one thing in Gracie has changed since Monday's phone call, since last fall's scheduling of surgery. She is the same--all of her tests were good (for Gracie), she gets to stay home, rather than be in the hospital right now fighting for her life. I was told yesterday to just enjoy my family, enjoy being together--that's what we will do. And pray...we will continue to seek the Lord, we will continue to trust Him with her life and that means trusting Him to give her as many days as He has planned. If He does take her home to Himself at a young age, we will continue to trust Him, we will continue to praise Him for allowing us to parent such an amazing child.
We've had a lot to process these past couple of days. Yesterday, it was as if our hopes were crushed. Today, I am so comforted by the fact that my hope does not lie in man, but in God, who loves Gracie more than I possibly can. He loves my family and His plan ultimately is a good one.
Praising through tears!
Gayle
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