I've seen dreams that move a mountain,
Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling.
I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered,
Broken hearts become brand new.
That's what faith can do!
Words by Kutless
Yesterday, after driving home from Rochester with tears flowing freely, this song came blaring through my car speakers--exactly what I needed to hear.
I will back up. On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from Gracie's cardiologist. He told me they had a "meeting of the minds" concerning Gracie's surgery that was on the schedule for this morning. After much discussion and review of her previous tests and previous surgeries, they ALL (2 surgeons and 8 pediatric cardiologists) were in agreement that it was too risky for Gracie to have this surgery. She not only falls into the high risk category, but is in every high risk category they have a category for apparently. Her cardiologist told me to bring her up yesterday, run her through the 8 appointments on her schedule and a final decision would be made.
We still had hope. This surgery has been the one that we were told could possibly give her a somewhat normal life, not a long life, but a much longer life. The key word is possibly. The doctors do not feel confident at all that she would survive the surgery, much yet the years following the surgery. If the surgery wouldn't be successful, there would be nothing left to try for her.
All that to say...no surgery.
Without the surgery, her ventricle will likely wear out in it's own time. It's a lose, lose situation. From a wordly perspective.
I praise God for another perspective! It wasn't doctors 3 years ago that healed Gracie's valve. Even Gracie's surgeon yesterday told me "Gracie's life is a miracle. She shouldn't be here today." That's what we are holding onto. Not one thing in Gracie has changed since Monday's phone call, since last fall's scheduling of surgery. She is the same--all of her tests were good (for Gracie), she gets to stay home, rather than be in the hospital right now fighting for her life. I was told yesterday to just enjoy my family, enjoy being together--that's what we will do. And pray...we will continue to seek the Lord, we will continue to trust Him with her life and that means trusting Him to give her as many days as He has planned. If He does take her home to Himself at a young age, we will continue to trust Him, we will continue to praise Him for allowing us to parent such an amazing child.
We've had a lot to process these past couple of days. Yesterday, it was as if our hopes were crushed. Today, I am so comforted by the fact that my hope does not lie in man, but in God, who loves Gracie more than I possibly can. He loves my family and His plan ultimately is a good one.
Praising through tears!