Thursday, March 25, 2010

that's what faith can do

I've seen dreams that move a mountain,
Hope that doesn't ever end, even when the sky is falling.
I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered,
Broken hearts become brand new.
That's what faith can do!

Words by Kutless

Yesterday, after driving home from Rochester with tears flowing freely, this song came blaring through my car speakers--exactly what I needed to hear.

I will back up. On Monday, I received a very disturbing phone call from Gracie's cardiologist. He told me they had a "meeting of the minds" concerning Gracie's surgery that was on the schedule for this morning. After much discussion and review of her previous tests and previous surgeries, they ALL (2 surgeons and 8 pediatric cardiologists) were in agreement that it was too risky for Gracie to have this surgery. She not only falls into the high risk category, but is in every high risk category they have a category for apparently. Her cardiologist told me to bring her up yesterday, run her through the 8 appointments on her schedule and a final decision would be made.

We still had hope. This surgery has been the one that we were told could possibly give her a somewhat normal life, not a long life, but a much longer life. The key word is possibly. The doctors do not feel confident at all that she would survive the surgery, much yet the years following the surgery. If the surgery wouldn't be successful, there would be nothing left to try for her.

All that to say...no surgery.

Without the surgery, her ventricle will likely wear out in it's own time. It's a lose, lose situation. From a wordly perspective.

I praise God for another perspective! It wasn't doctors 3 years ago that healed Gracie's valve. Even Gracie's surgeon yesterday told me "Gracie's life is a miracle. She shouldn't be here today." That's what we are holding onto. Not one thing in Gracie has changed since Monday's phone call, since last fall's scheduling of surgery. She is the same--all of her tests were good (for Gracie), she gets to stay home, rather than be in the hospital right now fighting for her life. I was told yesterday to just enjoy my family, enjoy being together--that's what we will do. And pray...we will continue to seek the Lord, we will continue to trust Him with her life and that means trusting Him to give her as many days as He has planned. If He does take her home to Himself at a young age, we will continue to trust Him, we will continue to praise Him for allowing us to parent such an amazing child.

We've had a lot to process these past couple of days. Yesterday, it was as if our hopes were crushed. Today, I am so comforted by the fact that my hope does not lie in man, but in God, who loves Gracie more than I possibly can. He loves my family and His plan ultimately is a good one.

Praising through tears!
Gayle

8 comments:

Donna said...

You are so right! Gracie was brought into the world by God. Save by multiple miracles in her short life. And nothing has changed! I want to see you all so much!

Jean said...

Dear friend that is so difficult to hear from the Dr. Maybe in time she will be a better candidate for this or another procedure.

She is such a sweet little blessing. We pray for her everyday in our homeschool and at night.

Praying for all of you. Praying for God's healing a for Gracie's heart.

Anita said...

Dear Gayle, I just read your post on our group and, like you, just haven't had much time to be on there or respond. However, I just wanted you to know what an awesome mom you are and what a testimony to "holding on to hope and Christ" in the realness of life with Gracie and Selah. I'm so so sorry to hear this news, but our God IS the God of hope and miracles and ultimately Gracie's life here. I had just told Mark last night that I am beginning to ache to go "home", our "forever home"...even more so now with this news and little Maria and, and....just so much at times. Who knows Gayle....maybe we will all be caught up together with Gracie! Love to you and your family and that precious pumpkin of yours.

Holly said...

Sweet friend...keep the faith, just like you are doing! Your attitude is exactly right. And we will all pray for you, for Gracie, and for your family. My God is so BIG!!

Karen said...

Praying for you and your family and sweet little Gracie.

God's Grace said...

Oh my dear Sister, Gracie is a miracle and your whole family is a blessing Gayle, We are praying for you all knowing that the hand of God is always moving on your behalf, He whispers sweetly in His precious daughter's ears, and I believe she even sees him smiling...I know it because when you look at her face she looks like one that has seen and heard God Almighty! "My Word is like a fire, says the Lord, and like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces!" Jer. 23:29 Praying for his word to "break" that bondage of sickness and to take your broken hearts and make them whole and new.

karas mom said...

by Kara's mom,
Gayle i haven't met you personally but I know my daughter loves you.
She really wanted me to read the book you wrote. Then once in awhile she talk about the time she went to your house with Greta. She has on occasion thinks she sees you somewhere so we go on this big search throughout the malls and stores!

I'm sitting here today crying as I read you stories.. Tears are flowing down my cheeks. For one reason only-- I do believe you are a true christian woman who truly gives the example of giving it up to God. Letting him be totally in control of our lives. Not many of us can do that. When something tragic happens in our lives God is the first place we go with our anger, or at least I did. It took me along time to realize God wasn't causing my pain, he was trying to help me through it.
I don't understand about the pain part either, its the hardest thing in life is to watch our children hurt, or suffer. As mom's we want to take away every bit of that.
Do you think it makes us more compassionate? Jesus was very compassionate to other peoples disabilities, illnesses and injuries. I'm not sure.

My son Ryan died Aug.31 2007 at the age of 21. Each day I tell myself he is ok he is with God and I'm going to be ok because I have God.
something I made up to comfort myself. There is not one night I forget to say goodnight to my precious son, who I will see again.

Kara loved your little Gracie, and was also concerned about her. I told Kara that she was almost named
Grace because it meant that you are so thankful to God for what he has given. I believe you feel this way about your Gracie.

I will quit rambling, Just wanted you to know I care, and that I will pray.
I think your sister Greta is one of the amazing people there are. She is so kind, she is also a woman of faith in so many ways...
Donna Meerdink

Blessed Mom of Four, Now Five said...

I shall praise and pray with you, my sister!
Robbie