Living our fear...

AND IT'S OK! When adopting Selah, I was rather hesitant. I had read and read and read stories of adopting older institutionalized children. Fear of the unknown overtook my heart and my mind--in no way would I even consider adopting a child over the age of 5. But then came that list...

We prayed over each child on the list--I set the papers off to the side of the children in which I was certain we couldn't parent--off to the side went the file on He Fubai. A few of the children needed several surgeries--with Gracie's many hospital stays and level of care, we knew the timing wasn't right to bring home another child who would keep me away from home. Then there was He Fubai--pretty healthy, a sad face, and SEVEN years old. What if we brought home a child that would disrupt our already busy lives? What if the child was destructive, or worse--violent? Disrupt birth order? I had read that was not recommended, sometimes not allowed.

Yet Curtis. He would question my heart. He would question my motives. He would remind me that we didn't need another child, but a child needed us. "Which of these children won't be chosen?" he would ask. He Fubai would make it back into our pile.

Well, many of my greatest fears have come true. We are dealing with significant issues with Selah...some days are good, some are OK, some are horrific. We are living my fear.

And you know what?

It's OK!

Our marriage has never been stronger, our other children are doing beautifully, our family unit is tight, loving, and committed to one another. We are just fine.

The love I see my children pouring out for a child who doesn't love back...it's quite amazing to see. Our kids are learning to love IN SPITE OF the circumstances...to love because HE loves.

So...if you are considering adopting an older child and you are as freaked out as I was, know this...even if your worst fears come true, He will provide all you need...more than that, He will love through you and you will be OK!

I have started this post, deleted this post, rewrote this post, published this post, deleted this post...I never want anyone to think badly of Selah. She is a lovely little girl with a completely broken heart that can only be fixed by Jesus. We love her dearly and rejoice in every smile, every bit of progress, every hug. She is a treasure!!

Matthew 6:19-21 Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and theives do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.

HOME!!!

We had a fabulous trip!! How sweet it was to share 12 dinners, 12 breakfasts, and several other "meals" with all seven of us...minus cell phones. How we enjoyed playing on the beach, sitting in the sun, just being together for 6 days--beautiful time with priceless memories etched on our hearts.

It truly was GRACIE'S TRIP!! At first, we thought...Gracie may not even remember this trip, how can we make it hers?? Well, first of all, she has never had more attention EVER. All of the kids doted on her, we spent our days and nights as a family choosing what Gracie would like best. To think this little sweetie is going under the knife in one short month inspired each of us to appreciate this beautiful time. We had planned on renting jet skis and leaving Gracie with the childcare center. When it came down to it, none of the kids wanted to do anything without her...instead we spent that day at the beach playing in the blue water and soft sand.

The food was fabulous--did I mention we ate? And ate, and ate, and ate? Our older three kids are quite adventurous with food--how they loved trying everything! We pretty much loved having the freedom to approach any restaurant, any food booth and grab whatever we wanted. I'm certain our family added a few pounds before we had to go home.

Our family is humbled by the generosity of the Make-A-Wish foundation and will be lifelong supporters. We are so grateful for having these memories with Gracie!

Enjoy the photos!!

Gayle

Bon Voyage!!!

We are leaving our hotel shortly to board the ship!! So stinkin' exciting!!! I couldn't sleep at all last night and headed to the hotel lobby early this morning to post pics of Gracie and her bags at the airport. Wouldn't you know it--I couldn't get my laptop connected to the internet. She was ALL business yesterday walking through the airport with her backpack and wheeled suitcase. We ran to Target the night before so we would have the perfect stroller and she wouldn't hear of it!

We've had a great two days with our family just getting here! We closed down the Mall of America on Friday night, filled our bellies with ribs, slept a bit, then began our day of travel. Our flights were delayed a couple of hours, so we spent most of the day at the airport. How grateful we are for technology! The boys and Breuklyn camped out at a little internet hotspot with their gadgets and Gracie and Selah watched movies on our laptop. I'm wondering what parents did back in "the day"?

As the rest of the family was snoozing this morning, I woke up with such joy in my heart. Not only do we have this opportunity for a fabulous vacation with our family, we have been so blessed by our new "make-a-wish" family. Again, our journey with Gracie has blessed us with so many new friends. The three fabulous women who have shared their time with us, those who we will never meet, but give so generously...treasures, that's for sure! On the plane yesterday, a family walked in behind us--their little boy had on a Make-A-Wish tshirt and they noticed the backpack Curtis was carrying. After visiting a bit, we found out we only live 30 minutes from each other--we spent a little time in the airport here in Orlando, exchanged information, and talked of getting together when we return--another blessing!

I will try to get some photos on here soon, that is if my computer is working!!

Have a fabulous Valentine's Day and Happy Chinese New Year!!
Gayle

Surgery scheduled...

At our last cardiology appointment in Rochester, Gracie's surgeon told us to call his office and set something up for March--that seemed a long ways off in November. I put off that call until last week, then put off thinking about it much until today. For some strange reason I have been dreaming about Gracie's surgery LOTS...sometimes old surgery memories are puzzled together with her future surgery. Each time this comes up, God prepares my heart in many different ways. Sometimes, I believe He allows me numbness or denial and sometimes He give me His word to prepare for what's coming.

Anyways, Gracie is scheduled for her Modified Fontan operation on March 25. She will have a full day on the 24th--lots of bloodwork, lots of tests--then early on the 25th we will hand her over to men and women who are now quite familiar with her heart and even her personality.

Until that day...we have lots of fun to fit in!! We are enjoying playing LOTS! Gracie loves to play with Breuklyn's old Fisher Price dollhouse--it consumes us. I'm a bit OCD with the dollhouse, I'll admit it. I like to have the proper furniture in the correct rooms--seriously, have you ever seen a dining room table in the bathroom? Gracie PLAYS...she's not about organizing AT ALL. She's mostly about each of the moms having her own babies, then naming them so uniquely. We always have a Nino (Derek), Ana (Connor), Booboo (Breuklyn), Lala (Selah), and a ME (Gracie). I do treasure her giggles as she tries to make Lala really naughty jumping on the bed, and Nino crashing the van into the wall. How fun!

The Opps are definitely pumped for Gracie's Make-A-Wish trip! We are constantly on the Disney website, checking out the cruise, dreaming about being warm for five days!! Even Gracie, when she sees the website starts cheering..."Pooh boat, Pooh boat!" Pooh won't be making an appearance--we are trying very hard to flip her interest to Mickey and Toy Story!! We have a month!

Until March 25, we also have many basketball games, a couple of swim meets, the first track meet of the year, spring break, Derek's birthday, some sledding, many morning of sharing coffee (Gracie's is hot chocolate), lots of bedtime stories, at least 50 games of Memory...lots to do!

I'm not on a computer with photos, so I will try to add some later. Have an awesome day!
Gayle

And the wish is...

GRANTED! Gracie and crew will be boarding the Disney Wonder on Valentine's Day! We are super excited for this adventure, just one month before Gracie's fontan surgery.

Bon Voyage!

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

We continue to celebrate this Christmas season, delighting in the greatest gift to all...the birth of Jesus Christ. As our lives fill up with busy schedules, parties, presents, food, and fun, we remember the reason we live with peace in our hearts and joy in our home--Jesus Christ--the Prince of Peace, the Son of God who became man dwelling among us in our sinful world so that we could become children of the Most High! I praise Him! It makes the ipods, the toys, the material presents under the tree pretty insignificant, doesn't it? The gift of a Savior, God with us...AMAZING LOVE!

Because of the weather we stayed home for Christmas. I think Breuklyn had the same jammies on for four days (showers in between, I promise!)! We've watched countless movies, put together giant puzzles, played the Wii and XBox until our fingers were considered "fit", rolled the dice for our board games, not needing to leave the house for anything! Well, Curtis and I did take off for a few hours on the 26th just for our sanity :) !!

We are so blessed this season with health! Gracie is feeling better than she ever has...she's running this place! Today, she is sporting her 4th of July attire with brown and pink plaid shorts--who's to say that doesn't work when its 20 degrees and snowing? Our house is warm! She's become SO SO SO independent...she knows what she wants to wear, what she wants to eat, where she wants to go, and who can go with her. My dear friend, Sara is her speech therapist and has aided Gracie greatly with her speech. She is now able to run a family of 7--as we've prayed for speech, to find us shushing her is quite ironic. A few minutes ago I called the Mayo Clinic to schedule her next surgery--it will likely be in March right after spring break--I'll keep you posted!

Our older kids are CRAZY about Christmas and will not let tradition die. We continue to run balls of yarn throughout our entire house for them to find their gifts--when we mention just placing them all under the tree, we are met with serious opposition! This year, Gracie was the first one up and she just ran right through the string, pulling things out of drawers and cupboards...chaos!

It's nearly noon and I still have some sleepers around here--what a rude awakening it will be in just five short days as the alarm rings at 7 am. It's eerily quiet around here--I better run!

I hope your Christmas was filled with joy, and your New Year is blessed abundantly!

Love,

Gayle

Selah is 9!

Selah celebrated her birthday on December 5--as you can see, we have had a very busy December! Both of the girls have had a lot of practice opening gifts and downing sugary treats! This is only Selah's 2nd birthday she has celebrated--this time Selah anticipated what was coming and was super excited. For her birthday, she just wanted fuzzy stuff, so fuzzy stuff is what she received--fuzzy clothes, fuzzy blankets, fuzzy animals--she loves texture. It is obvious she has some sensory issues--touch, smell, noise--she is quite sensitive to all of it.

Selah's past year has been full of adventure--some exhilirating, some pretty interesting, yet all useful. We are still in the process of learning how to be a part of a family. As we have battled through several behavioral issues, several "institutional symptoms", we are in a period of relative peace around here. Yes, her actions are very much to blame at times, yet we are finding our reactions can make or break the situation.

As we celebrated Selah's 9th birthday, I rejoice in the fact that she has a family, she is loved! I also look forward to what this next year will bring--we are praying for healing of her broken heart and the peace within her that she has no doubt she is loved. Now that would be a great gift for her before her next birthday!

Love,

Gayle