Thursday, March 11, 2010

sick baby girl


Our little Gracie has pneumonia and is feeling pretty crummy. On Monday she woke up with a cough. With her heart and lung issues, a cough is always scary for our family. I brought her to the doctor and he thought she had a mild case of bronchitis, which she did. He put her on some aggressive antibiotics and sent us on our way. My gut told me it was more than that...during the night on Monday night, she was up coughing all night long. I brought her in for a Xray, then to the doctor, and she had developed pneumonia. Since Gracie basically only is making use of one lung appropriately, pneumonia is one of our greatest fears--at one time her cardiologist told us that pneumonia is fatal for Gracie. She is much, much stronger now, however, and is actually doing as well as could be expected.

She continues to cough lots and has horrible foot pain. We aren't sure what that is all about, but it has been an issue for quite some time, seemingly worse when she's not feeling great. Tonight, she has been in complete agonizing pain...she cannot sleep, she screams, and is unconsolable. If you know Gracie, that is simply out of character--she handles pain well, is almost always very pleasant.

As I was rocking her tonight, my heart was, and still is, breaking. I cannot, for the life of me, figure out why this sweet little girl has to endure so much pain. We pray and we pray and we pray, yet she suffers. I know it doesn't help to question the whys...she was created beautifully and amazingly...but why the pain? Why the hurt? She is so innocent. I just don't get it. Again...it doesn't help to question the whys, yet they are still there, at the front of my mind and all over my heart. And to think that in 2 short weeks, once again her body will be opened up, followed by a very long, painful recovery. She's three years old, has done nothing wrong...it simply doesn't make sense in my human mind.

Yet God. He has allowed this...for some reason, for some great plan...He has allowed this to happen. He knows the answer to my questions, He calms my heart, and He gives Gracie relief. He has given her breath, He has given her a sweet, sweet spirit who radiates joy, He has given her so many who love her dearly. He has given her perhaps the most fabulous brothers and sisters possible. So...while I sit here in my self-pity and daughter-pity (I just made that up), I can know that He knows. I can sit here with the assurance that the pain is temporary, His glory is everlasting. Every once in awhile, like tonight, right now, I can be hit with the realization that He knows my mother's heart in watching her little girl suffer. As He has watched His Son.

Yet God.

3 comments:

Jean said...

WE pray for Gracie everyday! We will pray even more for her to heal from her pneumonia. I am not sure about the foot pain? Have you asked the cardiologist? Maybe it is because of decreased circulation?

I love your heart Gayle! You help me be prepared for my future (I can only hope). Gracie is such a treasure, It was you and her that planted the seed for us!

advocatemom said...

This just brings tears to my eyes, Gayle. Poor baby. Poor Mama. I will continue to pray for ongoing good health and complete healing for Gracie. And strength for you, my friend. Lots and lots of strength.

:)

Holly said...

Oh, so hard. It's the hardest thing in the world to watch them suffer. God is good, and I'm glad you are letting Him comfort you. I'll be praying!